“Our school system trains kids to be ignorant, with style – functional ignoramuses.  They do not equip students to deal with things like logic; they don’t give them the criteria by which to judge between good and bad in any product or situation.  They are groomed and launched to function as mindless buying machines for the products and concepts of a multinational military-industrial complex that needs a World Of Dumbells to survive.” – Frank Zappa, from “The Real Frank Zappa Book“.

I looked at a lot of fancams of EXO appearances while researching this blog, and almost all of the footage had one thing in common besides mobs of young girls with self-esteem lower than Boram’s bicycle seat chasing around a bunch of guys who are probably all banging the chicks in Nine Muses – replaced audio.

The reason is fairly obvious: even some shithouse k-ballad (sorry IU but the MOGEF should really quit with the T&A censorship and instead do something good for pop music culture by banning any song under 80 BPM) sounds a hell of a lot better than this:

Welcome to hell.

It’s fairly well documented that EXO fans are on average the most insane of any k-pop fandom.  The question is clearly not how insane they are, or indeed if they are insane – but, what is anyone going to do about it?

To EXO’s credit, they seem to be appropriately embarrassed by the situation, and seem to want to do something about it, taking their time to do a bit of one-on-one counselling of saesangs and telling them off where possible.  Of course this is the equivalent of trying to put out a forest fire with an eyedropper.  As simple employees of a massive marketing machine, It’s not their fault, right?  Naturally, they can’t reform their fans alone… right?

Eager to help, I went straight to the repository of all 21st century knowledge Google to see what I could find out about EXO in order to help them with their quest to control their own mentally challenged fans.  Because I care.

exoppp

Okay, “overrated” is first, yeah no kidding.  I understand why their comeback would be searched (or at least I can put myself in the shoes of someone who would search that because I’m really that understanding and kind ahem), and there’s that Wolf song everyone hates… but “powers”, what the fuck’s that?  Are they like superheroes or some bullshit?

According to Wikipedia… yeah, like, totally.  It’s listed there like it’s no big thing.

expop

Right next to “country”, and the countries aren’t made up, so why would the powers be?  There’s not even any debate about this on EXO forums or anywhere else, or even on the Wiki’s talk page where people love to argue and split hairs over the most minute factual details, it’s actual fucking referenced information (sure, the reference goes to an old Allkpop article that doesn’t even exist anymore but let’s just gloss over that for now).  Everyone just accepts it: these guys have some fucking “powers”.  Like woah, dude.

exop

Now call me crazy, but I believe being a superhero comes with just a little bit of extra social responsibility to use your powers for the betterment of society.  If you’re Superman and the convenience store down the street gets robbed three times in a month, it could be reasonably argued that maybe you’re just not doing your fucking job and spending too much time poncing around at home being Clark Kent with your head in Lois Lane’s crotch while your cape is at the dry-cleaners.  EXO have got a dude who fucking teleports, another one who can fly, some dude who can stop time, and there’s even some guy who has “healing powers” – wouldn’t that cover the healing of mental illness as well?  So how can they realistically complain about their fandom like it’s someone else’s problem?  These kids have the power to fix it themselves.*  If nothing else, at the very least they could get the guy with the “fire” powers to apply some scorched earth policy next time they have to visit an airport or something.

exc

But no, these selfish EXO kids just want to rest on their laurels.  Tsk tsk.  For now I guess those who care about the mental health of kids out there will just have to resort to some physical intervention.

Peace and love, kids.

* And if these powers aren’t really real someone get them the fuck off the Wiki.  Wikipedia is supposed to be for factual information, not for you fangirls to rub each others’ clits in a massive circle-jerk.  Come on kids, what is this.

TrufaxYour mum

Leave a comment